The following section presents excerpts from a review on a Revolutionary Game Console technology created by a consultant hired by a game console company in Qatar. The consultant seeks to report customer issues with the technology for the company to see. However, the company hoped the report could have been more descriptive, direct, and concise . In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the developers can make the most effective case for their audience. Directions:
Identify and improve text that can make the report more effective, in terms of its metadiscourse, nominalizations, and concision.

Challenge 1: Using Metadiscourse

Your Goal

Make comments that guide the audience through the text

Types of Commenting

1. Using hedgers or intensifiers to show confidence/certainty/directness etc.

Hedgers

The type of metadiscourse used sometimes depends on your context and audience.

Intensifiers/Removing intensifiers

The type of metadiscourse used depends on your context and audience.

2. Descriptive Comments Besides Hedgers and Intensifiers

Less Specific Description

I started becoming addicted to these activities.

More Specific Description

As I was going through the first few activities, I started becoming addicted to them.

3. Connecting Old and New ideas

Less Direct Connections

One purpose of metadiscourse is to show certainty. It can show connections between old and new ideas as well.

More Direct Connections

One purpose of metadiscourse is to show certainty, and another is to show connections between old and new ideas.

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

Quality Attributes Raised: Usability, Security: Many games mainly had issues with usability and the screens were clogged with pop up ads promoting in-game products. The user found this distracting and frustrating.

Option A

"The user made a report that many games had issues with usability, especially with clogged screens from pop up ads promoting in-game products."

This option uses a descriptive comment (“user made a report”) to identify who the information belongs to. It also uses an intensifier (“especially”) and the phrase “issues with usability” to highlight the pop up ad issue. This would be appropriate if your purpose is to highlight this issue.

Option B

"The user made a report that many games had usability issues, such as clogged screens from pop up ads that were promoting in-game products."

This option also clarifies that the user reported this information. It uses the phrase “usability issues” and a connecting comment (“such as”) that places less emphasis on the issue. This would work well if your purpose here is to describe an issue without emphasizing it.

Option C

"Many games had usability issues; the main issue was that the game screens were clogged with pop up ads promoting in-game products."

This option does not make it clear that this information came from a user. It uses an intensifier (“main”) to highlight the issue with pop up ads. This would be appropriate if your purpose is to highlight this issue in documents where you are not reporting customer experiences.