The following section presents excerpts from a proposal on Edocs, an online environment for collaborating, created by a research team in Qatar. One of the team members believes Edocs facilitates collaboration among professional groups working from different countries. However, their clients (Qatar Foundation researchers) found the proposal arrogant and quick to point blame on colleagues. In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the developers can make the most effective case for their audience.

Directions:
Identify and improve text that can make the report more effective, in terms of its metadiscourse, nominalizations, and concision.

Challenge 2: Using Metadiscourse

Your Goal

Using hedgers and/or removing intensifiers to soften the tone

Using Hedgers and/or Removing Intensifiers

1. Describing negative situations where your purpose is to protect the person or thing associated with the negativity (may mean more polite)

Less Protection

The guides have too much information to fit on a mobile screen.

More Protection

The guides may have too much information to fit on a mobile screen.

2. Being less certain or direct or showing less emphasis (may mean more polite)

Less Certain/Direct

Going through the activities may take a lot of time.

More Certain/Direct

Going through the activities may take some time.

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

Although the teams were managing to meet on Skype each week despite their location’s time difference, these meetings were finishing, even without a plan for the next steps of the project.

Option A

"some of these meetings were finishing without a plan for"

This option makes the most effort to soften the tone. It adds a hedger (“some”)and removes an intensifier (“even”) to place less emphasis on the problem. It would be appropriate for contexts where you want to politely describe a problem without pointing blame.

Option B

"these meetings were usually finishing without a plan for"

This option removes an intensifier (“even”) to soften parts of the tone. However, it also uses an intensifier (“usually), which does make as much of an effort to soften the tone as the first option. This would be appropriate if you had to get to your point quickly and felt no reason to protect your team.

Option C

"these meetings were unfortunately finishing, even without a plan"

This option uses a stronger intensifier (“unfortunately”) than the second option, which does not make an effort to soften the tone. Instead, it emphasizes the problem. This would only work if you had to make your point quickly and felt no reason to protect your team.