"I never thought I'd lead the NBA in rebounding, but I got a lot of help from my teammates--they did a lot of missing."
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
"I'm getting so old, I don't even buy green bananas anymore."
"What fun is it being `cool' if you can't wear a sombrero?"
"Always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
"There are no significant bugs in our releasesd software that any significant number of users want fixed."
"The fans like to see home runs, and we have assembled a pitching staff for their enjoyment."
"Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put 'em together
yourself, but they cost a little less."
"On Father's Day, we again wish you all happy birthday."
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
"Philadelphia is the only city in the world where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of reading about it the next day."
"When I got home after practice one night, my young wife met me at the door crying, `Darling, the dog ate the meat loaf I made for you.' I took her in my arms and said, `Stop crying, honey, I'll buy you another dog.' "
"The Dewey Decimal System... What a scam that was!"
"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
"The cops picked me up on a street at 3:00 A.M. and fined me $500 for being drunk and $100 for being with the Phillies."
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear!"
"Football features two of the worst aspects of American life--violence and committee meetings."
"Goaltending is a normal job. Sure! How would you like it in your job if every time you made a small mistake, a red light went on over your desk and fifteen thousand people stood up and yelled at you?"
"...instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change."
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
"I really didn't say everything I said."
If you have any quotes worthy of this collection,
mail them to neils@andrew.cmu.edu