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I don't even understand what this is. "Mom & Daughter PJ Night. Friday, 6:30 to 9:30 p.m." Bring Your Favorite Mexican.

This is a picture of Santa. This is the meanest Santa I've ever seen. Is it me or is Angry Santa choking that dog?!

For sale -- human skull, used once only.

Here's a helluva deal! Very rarely will you see a bargain like this. "Mailbox Special -- $119.99." Look at the regular price -- $120.00.

Dairy specials... "I Can Believe It's Not Butter!"

I guess when you're an FBI agent, they give you the easy ones first. "Federal Agents raid gun shop, find weapons." What are the odds?!

"I knew when I saw the rolling pin that something bad was going to go down."

"Health officials say flammable water is okay to drink." Oh, shut up!

"Ax-murder's sentencing under way. 'I want the responsibility for the whole thing,' Neal said... 'If I lose my life, I can live with that.'"

"Thanks to my dentist, I'm wearing my favorite jeans again." You know, I think the dentist is operating on the wrong end!

Here's another police blotter... "A caller reported at 7:14pm that someone was on a porch yelling 'help' from a residence on Bank Street. Officers responded and learned the person was calling a cat that was named 'Help.'" What idiot names his cat 'Help?!' Where's the dog? Fire? Fire!

I love this one! Wanted... Steven Dominic Martinez wanted for witness intimidation. Oh, really? You mean THAT guy?!

"If you had no idea what to get her for Valentine's Day... Imagine how overwhelming arranging her funeral would be." Honey, I didn't get you flowers, but...

"Kids can be taught to eat right." Yeah, there you go!

"Shurfresh Whole Peeled Baby."

There's nothing unusual about having one leg... except when the one leg is in the middle! I've never seen that before! That would make for an interesting sex life, wouldn't you say?

Helluva deal! "Buy 3 items from the menu and get one."

How insulting is this? Apparently we have a huge transvestite contingent in the California Senate!

How disgusting is this? "Bladder control causes Sunset Beach flooding." Oh my -- you might want to roll up your pant leg there, buddy!

Look, Lilly is good with kids. Yeah, that cat looks like she'd be great with kids!

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