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Page Five:
"Anything we assume at this point is an assumption."
I love this one
-- it is so stupid! "Governor says Mell investigation should proceed despite
apology mpcilchsflsnh."
This is an ad for
Barney's in New York. I don't know what this model is doing.
Off Incest Repellent. Yeah, just spray that on dad, that's all you gotta
do.
"Contact Tony. ...meals and possible salary." You come in
and work for a couple of weeks and we'll throw a couple of bucks your way. How
does that sound?
With a cordless phone, you get Caller I.D. and, look, Caller I.Q.! If any morons
call, they can't get through!
You can bet that this was not written by an elderly person... "Funeral
Homes Bring Cheer To Senior Citizens."
Look at this ad... Free Sato Electronic Keyboard. "Put a smile on her face
and keep the music in her heart." She couldn't be happier. She looks like
a prisoner of war forced to play the violin.
I'll let you read it yourselves...
I don't know why, but this picture just kills me... It says, "Al Gore resurfacing."
This is what you call a liberal in Texas... "Texans support death penalty,
but only for the guilty."
Here's a sign that you're living in L.A. -- "Honda Civic '96. Am/FM/CD,
low miles, good condition, speaks Spanish."
"Polish midnight mass at 10 p.m."
What is the point of this ad? "1995 Nissan Maxima, green, leather, loaded,
CD, auto start, sunroof, 4-door, good condition, $4500. NOT FOR SALE!"
I just want people to know I have it, okay? Yeah! No, it's not for sale!
That's why I didn't put my number.
Do you believe there are some people that are just born to play basketball?
There is something about them that says they are going to be a pro basketball
player. I think this man fits the bill, you know?
"Kern sets sights on Miss Minnesota. Casey Kern, 19, was presented with
a certificate of congratulations by the mayor." I like her paragraph at
the bottom of the article... "Be yourself," Kern said. "If you
set your mind to do something, don't settle for anything and you'll get it done.
If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"Tree down, 5:45pm: The sheriff's department reported a tree lying unconscious
in the road on Carpenterville Road." We tried to revive it, but the
tree was just unconscious!
I like this! They ask kids - "What advice can you give the elderly?"
From the mouths of babes... I like Danielle... "If you can't see well,
learn sign language." I like Shanna.... "If you can't walk -- try
running." I like Dexter... "If you have blood sugar you take a knife
and make a cut and then let it bleed so the sugar runs out. I read this in a
pirate book."
The police, after
talking to witnesses, put together this composite. So if you've seen this man...
This is the oddest
picture I've ever seen. "Neighbors pitch in to patch a chimney of a house
in Pasadena." Now, this house contains, I think, the largest woman in existence.