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I don't even understand this. It comes from right here in Glendale at the library... "Practice reading skills with a real dog from 3 to 4 p.m."

The one guy looks good.

Well, here is a terrible slogan. It's from Evans Funeral Home... "One of the greatest gifts you'll ever give your family may be your funeral." That's a nice legacy, isn't it?

Here's a weatherman that doesn't want to go out on a limb... "Forecasters call for weather on Monday."

Their logo is a hotdog squirting mustard. I don't know why. Grandpa is dead. Here's a hotdog.

This was said by "an elderly Utah motorist pulled over for speeding by Sgt. Larry Wehrli who found a vacuum on the dashboard of her car." Her family members had suggested she obtain a "fuzzbuster" -- not a dustbuster.

This is what happens when you try to do gymnastics, and you live too close to a toxic waste dump...

Here's Elmo and Cookie Monster checking out the remodeled urinals. I don't know why.

This is why we have government agencies... "Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison."

"Saturday, Jan. 22: A staff member in Thackery Hall reported to campus police that a male came into his office and began a conversation." Get that down!

"Take years off your life with Arbonne Skin Care." Yeah, take years off your life. Instead of 80, you'll die at 59.

"San Luis Child Development Center opens" in Arizona. I'd take the kid off the oven, okay?

Here's a real estate brochure. This is what happens when you build a house on acid. Look at this house... You don't want to run out the door too quickly, okay? And you have stairs that go nowhere. What is that about?!

Here's something I didn't know -- look at this... "Most doctors agree that breathing regularly is good for you." You know what bothers me most? The fact that it says "most doctors."

Look at the "before" picture... And then look at "after." It might take 20 or 25 years, but, believe me, your teeth are going to be clean!

"Electrical fault blamed for fire in HELL!" Apparently it was not a cold day...

I love this headline -- "Ex-Minister Breaks Silence, Says Nothing."

"New evidence frees Michigan man after 13 years in prison for murder. A man who spent 13 years in prison for a death authorities had attributed to a blow from a whiskey bottle has been freed, after new evidence suggested the victim was hit by a motor home instead."

Here's the Toughen Glass Cutting Board. The toughest cutting board ever made... "Warning: Not suitable for chopping food on."

This is a typical headline: "Superintendent: If we don't change, we'll remain the same."

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