Home > Personal > Headlines

Page Thirteen:

Now here's something I think women will love. "Gasoline station will offer mammograms." Would you like to step over to the grease pit and take your shirt off while we fill you up, ma'am?

Rejuvenate your skin... Wow – what a difference! Isn't that Keith Carradine?

Woman, 51, drives car into harbor... She thought it was a big puddle!

This classified ad is a little creepy. For sale: Sausage stuffer, meat grinder... and animal carrier!

This classified ad offers a job at Subway, where you can go to work... and have your dreams crushed like the rest of us.

This is serious - Police Blotter. Police receive a report of a newborn infant found in a trash can. "Upon investigation, officers discover it was only a burrito."

Here's the Hershey Track and Field Meet. Compete in the event of your choice... I'm going to go with the 1600-mile dash. Is it still a dash after the first 20 miles?

Here's a china cabinet buffet for sale. It’s got a few cat scratches... but rest assured, the cat has been killed.

Look at this yuppie couple in bed looking at a catalog. Know what I love? They're on the catalog!

This is a poorly worded ad... C'mon in, we'll screw ya!

Here's the winner of a local dog look-alike contest... Wow! He does look exactly like his dog!

Here's a poorly written headline. "One armed man applauds the kindness of strangers." But if he does it in the forest, can you hear him?

For Sale... A collection of old people.

I love the look on this cat's face... Romeo kisses his cat, who's been his pet in prison for the last two years.

This is just lazy reporting. "Schools get new teachers..." Check out the caption on the bottom left.

Here's a good way to send your kids into therapy... Free Petting Zoo & BBQ. You can pet the animals, slaughter them, then eat them!

This town has a "different kind of policing." Despite the occasional discovery of a corpse... "Officials say this forest preserve is a safe place to hold family events!"

Here's one of those riveting headlines... "Arson suspect to plead guilty or not guilty."

A gentle reminder for students... Is everybody clear on Monday and Tuesday?

What is this guy thinking? Gandhi didn't drink! What's their motto - come in and fast with us?

< Page Twelve - Page Fourteen >