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Page Eleven:

Here's the Norwich Bulletin... Citizens say - "Wetlands too damp."

Food -- look at this... "Butchered peasants for sale - $5."

Look at these two geniuses... Two guilty in smuggling exotic animals! "When Chris Mulloy was going through customs with the kittens in his backpack, his traveling companion, Robert Cusack, was stopped by agents after an exotic bird flew out of his suitcase. Cusack admitted he had two pygmy monkeys in his pants." That's got to be an interesting flight home... Hey!...

Well, I love this one... "James Klindt, who spent more than a year in the Quad-City spotlight for murdering and dismembering his wife, has opened a tiny eatery at 4th and Howell streets in Davenport, called Eats And Sweets."

"Learn to play the harmonica." You know, I don't play the harmonica, but I know you don't play it like this... That's not how you play the harmonica!

I tell ya, in California you don't get much for your money... Here's a home for $109,000. It's a beauty, isn't it?

I guess this is a menu from a wine-tasting room. There are so many subtle aromas in wine. Look at this particular one... "Floral, with notes of jasmine. A pretty style. Aromas and flavors of grapefruit and cat pee..."

What do you do in the case of a serious accident? I think it's important that everyone should learn CPR. You can save someone's life with it. But sometimes the CPR comes just a little too late, like in this case here... When the head is separated from the body, it might be just a little too late to help.

Well, this could cause a terrible accident... "Value City recalls dart guns mislabeled as walking sticks." Grandpa keeps on shooting himself in the foot. OW!

I think I can see why people would be vegetarians... "USDA Choice Beef Round Thing Slices."

Here's a Rottweiler named Mr. Giggles. "Mr. Giggles is good with children." Oh yeah! Mr. Giggles looks like he's great with children! RRRRRRRrrrrrrrRRRRRRR!!!!!

This is from a police blotter... "Man drinking liquor in front of an adopted bird. The man's live-in ex-wife called police because he was drinking liquor in front of their bird which she said he is forbidden to do because it makes their dog mad." How crazy are these people?! His live-in ex-wife!!

"You can win a $10,000 shopping spree if you can identify this Hamilton landmark." Hmmm, I dunno... I'm a little stumped.

This is what happens when taking a picture of a man who is reading a book and you don't look at the photo after you take it...

I looked at this picture for ten minutes before I could figure it out... I don't know how this works. You've all seen those baskets that they raise up to trim trees, right? Okay, there's the basket, but what is holding the basket up?

I like this guy! "Slaying suspect wants to plead guilty, but NOT THAT GUILTY!"

"Father Aquinas, like other monks at St. Joseph Abbey in Spencer, has taken a vow of silence." Oh really? Then why is he ON THE PHONE?!

A speedy turtle on a crime spree?

Definitely a red card for this soccer play.

Driving Tip #735

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